The first thing Evan said to me when he came home from school was, "Mom, why didn't you come?! Today was the Beyonce dance!"
Huh???
The entire 2nd grade has been learning and rehearsing the Beyonce routine "Let's Move" for weeks now. Evan's even practiced it at home with Andrew. And apparently today was the big performance. I remember Evan mentioning that this Thursday they were going to do the dance, but there was no mention of "parents are invited," or "it's at 1:30," or "I want you to come." However, the look on his face told enough. I felt scolded. I felt bad because Andrew, Sadie and I had missed out on a very cool event, and I felt bad because it meant so much to Evan.
Sometimes I feel like we're struggling to keep Sadie's illness from overtaking every aspect of our lives. It affects all of us. I miss volunteering in the classroom. I missed Evan's holiday party and gingerbread village display. I feel like I've missed a lot to keep Sadie healthy. If there's one place that scares me to take Sadie, it's the elementary school. And I can't bring myself to leave her with a babysitter. (I wonder when I will.)
I whole heartedly apologized to Evan, and I will do my best to make it up to him. Next week he is starring as Hansel in their class play of "Hansel and Gretel Eat Right." I wouldn't miss that for anything!
The other reason Evan had a bad day, was because of this:
Before
After
Wednesday night we found lice in Evan's locks of hair. He has been growing it out for months ...his choice, not mine. And there were genuine tears of sorrow when I told him we were buzzing his head. So today, he went to school lice free, (after special shampoo treatments, and a head inspection by the school nurse of course), but some of the kids at school teased him about the new look. I don't think they were saying anything particularly cruel, but because Evan was so torn up about it already, the attention, the chuckles, and the comments just made his pain even worse.
So today, I win the award for the worst-mom-ever. I no-showed to his awesome school event, and I gave him a haircut he despises.
Sigh. Tomorrow will be better.
P.S. Sadie is doing great! Back on track with treatments, and keeping the side-effects in check. She still has plenty of hair, and I don't think she even looks like a cancer patient!
5 comments:
Oh Angela--- for some reason this post totally made me tear up. It broke my heart for both you and Evan. I know this doesn't make things any better or easier--and I know that when you wrote this you weren't fishing for people to say what a wonderful mom you are--but I hope you know that I mean this with every bit of sincerity in me--- You are and have been such an amazing example of a wonderful mother. I look up to you so much---
If it's any consolation--- I think many moms can say that "I've done that same thing" --and they've done it under easier situations (does that make sense)
Anyhow--- give that sweet Evan a kiss and hug from us.
We love you guys
I don't think Amberlee could have said it better. I echo what she said, and so with all my heart. Love you, Angela.
I totally agree with Amberlee. I would give you the BEST MOM EVER AWARD because you kept Sadie healthy by not going to the elementary school (even if it was unintentional) and you got rid of Evan's lice. It's just that being the Best Mom Ever is so hard because you have to do hard things, sometimes your kids want you to do otherwise, and you love them so much! Maybe you could have Evan do the dance with Andrew, film it and post it for us?
Oh my, the look on Evan's face just sums it up, doesn't it :(
However, your Mom's comment is perfect. "Being the Best Mom Ever is so hard because you have to do hard things." I will never forget that! I hope today was a little better for you and that Sadie responded well to the blood transfusion! Enjoy your weekend kiddo.
Sounds like Wyatt. I remember missing something at school last year and feeling like the worst mom in the world. Wyatt was devastated--I didn't even have a good excuse. And then there was the time I missed Kindergarten Graduation, yes, that nearly destroyed Wyatt--and me.
We do our best, right?
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